p.s. you have a small clit
YOU ARE THE MOST AWKWARD PERSON ALIVE.
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
Randomize
