i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
Randomize
