don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
Randomize
