I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
SEXX, SEXX, SEXX,SEXX,SEX SEX SEXXXXXXX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEX.\nimagine that to the can can song. also come to my house. theres a dance routine.
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
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