I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
He seems like he has feelings, which is completely unacceptable; esp for a boy in college.
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
Randomize
