Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
Randomize
