Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
Randomize
