Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
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