I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
Randomize
