Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
Randomize
