she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
Randomize
