my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
he fucked my hip out of place.
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize
