One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
she peed on how many people?
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
Randomize
