just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
Randomize
