i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
One more sleep until playoffs, Canucks are back this year, you bet your ass I'm going to uphold the tradition of being the 90 lb girl that fights every hairy ass Bruins fan at BWW.
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
Randomize
