at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
Randomize
