Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
Randomize
