Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
Randomize
