We discussed how the marijuana was making the dopamine float around our nucleus accumbens last night when we were high. Yet another example of how our science classes are perverting our good times.
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
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