i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
Randomize
