I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
does 2pm fall under the wake n bake category?
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
Randomize
