The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
Randomize
