i need an iv and a liver transplant
Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
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