it's not the walk of shame if you do it in cowboy boots.
So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
Randomize
