it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
Randomize
