oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
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