Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
Classy? Dude, she fucked 3 guys as part of a scavenger hunt
And?
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
Randomize
