Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
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