He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
You left your underwear on the fireplace
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
Randomize
