id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Randomize
