R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
your like the ambassador to my penis.
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Randomize
