Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
she kept yelling 'call me bella'
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
Randomize
