Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
Randomize
