I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
Randomize
