No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
All I can see in the pic you sent is white shorts...
Thas my pasnts in colleg! Tehy glow! AND SMELL LIKE BEER!
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
Randomize
