He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
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