What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
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