I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
Normal people don't sit around and watch Degrassi for twelve hours...
FUCK YOU.
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
Randomize
