I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
Randomize
