Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
She even gives head with a lisp.
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
Randomize
