so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
i cant finish this easy-mac because i need it for a chaser.
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
Randomize
