6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
I need to stop researching the drugs I do on Wikipedia. The parts about abuse and dependency hit too close to home
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
Panties = found
Randomize
