I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
Well, I guess that settles the question of how thick the walls are in my building.
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
omfg. get on facebook. the science olympiad team had a rave.
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
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