I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
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