girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
I am mentally ready for anal.
Randomize
