my mouth tastes like poor choices
I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
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