Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
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