Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
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