just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
Randomize
