If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
It's shark week go big or go home
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
Randomize
